We're only Human.

Recent events have caused me to look back on certain hardships I have gone through as of late. I recently took a chance on someone who captured my eye in a way that I never expected. I have had my share of past ex's who more or less failed at being who they really were and only be deceitful liars. But I thought, why not take a chance on something new, I knew good and well that it wouldn't become this fairy tale scenario. We only live once right? So I took the time to get too know him and found myself astounded by his ability to keep everything real, and not sugar coat anything. A trait thats more and more difficult to come by now a days. We got closer things started to get more exciting, and the thought of him became a quite astounding feeling. But this past weekend I began to doubt who this guy was. Things started to become hazy and uncertain.

By the end of the weekend I was at the breaking point, I knew something was going on, I knew something was going on from the start of the weekend, and I couldn't allow myself to go around in circles in my head. So I confronted him on the matter, and his response was one I had hoped I would never have to hear again. "I have been seeing another guy" I was shocked, but at the same time I wasn't. Perhaps it was due to the fact that I had spent the whole weekend knowing what was going on. The shock was that, here is a guy who is quite grand has massive potential to be something great, yet he did this. When I had first met him I had told him how much I disliked lying and I had been cheated on and lied to by guys countless guys and that I didn't want to go through that again. So he was more than aware of how I felt about that, and to make things worse he had promised himself to this guy before he met me. So this news was just as hurtful as the lying.

I had my exchange of words with him about how much of a jerk he was and how it disgusted me that he had done such a thing to someone, who knew good and well had gone through that before. But at the same time, I couldnt just walk away from him, I still sat there and talked. Most would call me crazy for even staying there after finding out. But as most of you know Im not that kind of person. I went home that night not only angry with him, but myself as well. After thinking a lot I realized that deep down he was still that great guy and he still had potential, I found myself more disappointed than anything. Most would find that silly, and think im a sick person for even forgiving him, but I did. I the end he chose the other guy over me which to me really hurt me more than I let on, even though I was fully aware it was more or less a summer thing.

So, Im giving a shot at the "friend" deal which so far is going quite smoothly, but hey come on I would be lying if I said it wasn't hard at times, not being able to do the things I once did with him. But at the same time it still makes me happy to be around him, even though I give him slag constantly, kind of my way of blocking out the feelings I have for him. But at the same time I enjoy myself with him that much more. Another lesson learned, another week gone by, Kind of makes you excited for what comes next. I miss the little things but, In the end I rather just have my cake in front of me knowing its there rather than it be eaten and gone.